Still Birthing
Poem
Today is International Women’s Day, and I am feeling a bit sentimental.
First, I want to wish a Happy International Women’s Day to all women, and shout out to my trans sisters!
Today, I have been reflecting on the 32 years I spent identifying as a woman. She was only as real as a persona can be, and yet I owe so much to her. As her, I learned how to navigate the world. She taught me softness and strength and fierceness. She gave me a window to a world I would never have experienced had I always been allowed to be the man I knew I was. Because of her, I can be a better man.
She was never real, as I have always been a man; it just took me until I was 32 to put the pieces together and figure that out. Yet, I am thankful for the time I spent seeing life through her eyes and every lesson on masculinity she ever gave me.
Now, it’s my turn to lead, as myself, as the man that I am. May I never leave her behind nor forget a single lesson she taught me. She was never real, but she will always be a part of me.
(The flowers pictured above are ones that I would give her today on a trip out to have lunch at a park or the beach. Yes, I am horribly sentimental, but I guess you knew that when you decided to read the work of a forlorn poet.)
Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when publishedStill Birthing
You know, you never truly know the depths of a woman’s love
Until she dies for you.
That is the truth that birthed this trans man
For I mourn the woman.
I miss her,
This woman who cradled me, raised me,
Nurtured me in the womb of her own body
This Madonna, who showed me how to bear the weight
Of man and the sins we have committed
Before she slipped into the backseat
Teaching me how to drive.
The bond between this trans man and the woman he performed is atomic.
I feel her sacrifice
And I become suicidal with her
As she opens
To the place where we could just BE
And I would follow her through
As she leaves me standing
In the hollow of her courage
Wondering if I could ever be so brave
While I carry her song with us.
