Holiday Joy Plan Week 3 Update
Week 3 felt like a whirlwind with the holiday prep and planning. On top of that, I decided to use the yarn I have at home and have a crafting Christmas, which meant I made (and am still making *sigh*) presents for everyone on my list. Through all the stress, there were so many highlights. So, I will try to break it down as best I can.
The first part of the week, I was in full holiday mode. On Monday, I was desperately trying to use my free time after work to complete as many projects as possible. I decided to make book sleeves and gift my friends something from my bookshelves (which are overflowing!). I made a few other projects for friends that aren’t as bookish as I am (or at least I am not sure if they are), but the book sleeves were the focus of this week. In the background, I put on some holiday movies to keep me company. First, I watched Little Women, which I forgot has a lot of heartwarming Christmas scenes and often comes back around on streaming platforms during the holidays. The version I watched was the one from my childhood, starring Winona Ryder. That one is special to me for so many reasons, but mostly because the first fictional character I ever yearned for was Friedrich. Seriously, he is such an underrated love interest. Watching this movie again reminded me of why I fell in love with him. The second movie I put on was A Merry Little Ex-Mas. It was cute, and I watched it because I thought one of the actors in it was hot. (I also might steal his haircut, but we shall see.)
Anyway, Tuesday was pretty much the same, until I realized I had not really thought about the gender-affirming aspects of the holiday season. So, in true Virgo fashion, I decided to make a list. This was challenging for me at first. I realized that I didn’t really know what men do around the holidays. In my family, the men were mostly involved in putting up the decorations for the holidays, especially lifting the heavy boxes, getting the decorations out from under the stairs, and putting up the lights and inflatables outside in the cold. Since I live in a studio apartment and don’t have many decorations at the moment, this wasn’t really going to be an option for me. So, I decided to ditch gender, lean into my sexuality and what I love about the holidays, and made a list that I think will work for me this season and in the future.
Wednesday was fun. I got to hang out and have tacos with a friend before she flew out to see her family for the holidays. When I was packing her gift and writing her card, I realized that that was the first time I was going to be signing a card with my name. In the past, I overlooked this part, rushing past this to get the card in the envelope and move on to the next task. This time felt special, and I felt so lucky to share that moment with someone who loved my name from the first moment she heard it.
Thursday was a little disappointing for me. I pride myself in taking physical and mental notes. Yet, I failed to do this for Thursday. I can’t honestly remember what I did or what brought me joy. So, I guess now the joy that I find is letting go of being so uptight about my notetaking and finding joy in releasing and remembering that I did feel joy that day. (Lame, I know, but what else can I do?)
Friday was PJ Day at work! I always love this day, and it is even better since it was right before break. It felt so good to wake up and not worry about what I was going to wear to work.
The weekend started rough but got better. I have been dealing with a family member who claims to support me, but will constantly use my dying name, even though I have asked them multiple times not to. Saturday, I reached a breaking point emotionally and reached out to a friend. They came over, and it felt good to have someone to talk to about it and take my mind off it for a while. We hung out again on Sunday and did some holiday shopping. In the evening, we went to the new Ghirardelli store that just opened up (the day before, I believe). I almost got their Dubai chocolate sundae because I am obsessed with anything Dubai chocolate. I decided against it once I saw it was $20 (you can’t convince me a sundae is worth $20). I opted for their peppermint bark hot chocolate and was not disappointed. Considering how chilly it was, I think the hot chocolate was the better choice.
After chocolate, we went to World Market to find something for their dad. We found quite a bit, but when we were in the checkout, something strange (at least for me) happened. I think I got checked out!!!!!! And by a man!!!!!! As a man!!!!! I was talking to my friend, and I noticed behind them in the line was a cute guy staring at me. I made eye contact with him, and he looked away. It looked like he was blushing too. I turned away to focus back on my friend, but when I chanced a glance back, he was looking AGAIN!!!! This type of thing never happens to me. Like, was I being flirted with, or am I reading too much into this? Either way, it felt nice to be noticed.
