2026: A Year of Sunshine
Trying to think about 2026 after the year that 2025 has been was tough. I find myself in this weird headspace between disassociation and daydreaming. 2025 is over, and I feel like time is flowing past me as we deal with another trauma wave every day.
In 2025, I…
- lost one of my abusers
- came out as trans
- started socially transitioning
- started a blog
- struggled (and still am struggling) to find a full-time job
- sold my childhood home
- watched numb as every day became another political attack
So, what about 2026? It’s hard to think that things will get better, and maybe for some things, that’s true. But what about the things I can change? What about my tiny little corner of craziness?
I spent a lot of time avoiding even having to think about 2026, choosing instead to doomscroll and binge-watch shows. Then, like quite a lot of people, my life became consumed by Heated Rivalry. In all of the rewatches and Threads discourse, I started to reflect on Elena’s speech to Scott in Episode 3, when she tells him, “Kip deserves sunshine. And so do you.” (For anyone who has not seen the show, Elena is confronting Scott. Scott is a famous hockey player. He is not out as gay, but is dating Elena’s friend, Kip. Elena is upset that Scott isn’t treating Kip like he deserves. She confronts Scott, telling him it’s time to set himself free by coming out and dating Kip publicly as both of them deserve.) It hit me. The word that I wanted to guide me in 2026 was Sunshine.
But you’re already out! What do you need to walk in sunshine for?
Because I am not living like I am out. I spend so much of my life living in fear, afraid of being myself, afraid of what other people would do to me if I were to be myself. I am scared to take steps to make changes. I am scared of change, scared of permanence, scared of letting the world see the parts of me I fought so hard to protect. I am scared of presenting as myself outside, of starting testosterone, of being seen as a man, of not being seen as a man. Then there are the things that cause me to panic: dating and using the men’s room.
What’s worse is that I have been living like I deserve pain and fear.
Elena was right! I deserve sunshine too! I deserve to be out as myself. I deserve to transition medically and not just fantasize about it. I deserve to live my life as the man I know I am, without fear.
What does that mean for me in 2026? I am still figuring out most of it, but so far it looks like:
- allowing myself to be out in more spaces
- getting my hair cut short (even if it is just to try it)
- thrifting and shopping for new clothes
- developing my sense of style
- getting over my fear of shopping the men’s section
- keeping up with binding and binding on a schedule (safe binding practices for 2026!)
- making the appointment to talk to a doctor about starting testosterone (and going and hopefully starting testosterone)
- going out in public more as me
- knowing and trusting that I am seen and loved as a man
I am sure I will figure more out as I go, but by this time next year, I want to feel the sun shining on me for the first time as a man.
What about you? What are your words for 2026? Leave your word in the comments.
